Siri & Me

So my husband just got an iPhone 5*.

iPhone 4. He skipped the iPhone 4S, so this would be his first experience with Siri.

I should have known what I was in for.

It started right away, the ridiculous requests of poor Siri. “Siri, what is the square root of 396?” “Siri, what is poop?” “Siri, what is a Krabby Patty?” All of this over the din of our already-noisy house, the TV, two dogs, and two rowdy boys.

As I prepared dinner to the soundtrack of stupid** questions, I’ll admit it:  I was feeling jealous of Siri and the fact that my husband had engaged in more conversation with her robotic voice than my own since he opened his new iPhone.  I hope he knows she’s cheating on him with all those other iHipsters. His excitement at all of Siri’s cool tricks left me annoyed and rolling my eyes.

But as the evening wore on and the idiotic questioning continued, I began to feel a little better about my job security as wife and mother. When it comes down to it, there are some things Siri just can’t do.

1. Sure, Siri can tell you what you’ll be doing two weeks from Tuesday at 11:00am, but I know the consequences of forgetting our anniversary.

2. Siri can generate a list of reminders but nothing motivates a man to action like the cold death-stare of a woman.

3. When Apple’s Maps feature inevitably fails him, someone will have to go into a gas station to ask for directions and it sure won’t be Siri.

4. Eventually he’ll miss the erratic mood swings of a real woman.

5. Siri has to search Google for information; I know where he left his keys.

*It’s a long story; don’t think of us as people who go out and purchase every new phone and gadget with our own cash. He got the iPhone for work at his previous job and was able to trade it in for the new one…There’s more to it, it really is a long and complicated story.

**My husband helped me write this post and is in no way offended by my use of the words “idiotic” and “stupid.” He begrudgingly agrees that asking Siri about poop was dumb.

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